


kiss you until your lips turn blue

by panlesters



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, High School AU, M/M, Spin the Bottle, fellas is it bad to write 2 fanfictions in one sitting, i was feeling soft what do i say, lots of kissing idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21707311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panlesters/pseuds/panlesters
Summary: Dan's confused about who he is, but what he knows is that he finds the quiet boy in his friendship group very pretty.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 88





	kiss you until your lips turn blue

**Author's Note:**

> oops i wrote another fic tonight   
> i was travelling and i was listening to dodie and this came to me   
> anyways enjoy! 
> 
> title from absolutely smitten by dodie

Dan's been confused for a long time. It's strange, how all his friends talk about girls and he just. Doesn't get it. 

He doesn't think he's the only one. There's another boy in his school friendship group. He's pretty quiet, he doesn't join in with the girl talk. He doesn't join in with much of the talk at all, really, but at least with the rest of the conversations he'll jump in from time to time. 

His name is Phil, and Dan thinks he's very pretty. 

Which is his problem, really. Boys aren't supposed to find boys pretty. Pretty isn't even a word Dan's ever heard anyone use to describe a boy. Handsome, maybe. Is he allowed to find a boy handsome? He hopes so. 

People come and go from Dan's friendship group over the years. He always manages to stick it out, hang around with the same people. So does Phil. He's thankful for that. But Dan is older now. He's not a quiet ten year old confused about who he is. He knows who he is now. He just. Doesn't want to say it. 

Dan hates having to watch a girl ask Phil to the year 11 prom. He wishes he had the guts to ask Phil himself. But he's still not sure if Phil is... what Dan is, and it's too much of a chance to take. He's not confused about finding boys pretty any more. But one thing he's learnt is that his friends don't think boys should find boys pretty. Or even handsome. He has to keep it to himself. 

Dan and Phil both take media to A Level, and they end up gravitating to each other on the first day in a class of new faces. It's not long before pairs projects begin, and when Phil is the only person Dan knows and vice versa, they end up starting a music video project together. 

Phil's music taste is the thing that surprises Dan the most about him. Dan goes to Phil's most days after school now, so they can work on their project together. They find out they both take psychology too, in different classes, so study sessions begin out of necessity. 

"Hey," Phil says. "Can we do this song?" Lonely Day by System of a Down starts playing and Dan raises his eyebrows. 

" _You_ like System of a Down?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"You've always been so quiet," Dan shrugs. "I thought you were probably into Coldplay, or Enya or something." 

"Enya?" Phil barks a laugh. 

"Well I don't know, quiet kid with black hair, you could be into anything." 

"Well I _do_ like System of a Down," Phil says, "But my favourite band is Muse." 

Dan's face lights up then. "Oh my God, same!" 

"No way!" 

They quickly find a playlist of music on youtube and spend the next hour belting out their favourite songs instead of doing work. They don't even hear Phil's mum knock on the door to ask if Dan is staying for dinner. Phil manages to convince him to in the end, and Kath lets them take pizzas up to Phil's room on the promise that they start working instead of just listening to music. 

Dan ends up staying late that night, and the next night, and the next. 

The day after that, Dan offers to host the study session.

His house is quiet, quieter than Phil's. Dan's dog greets them at the door and Phil is smitten immediately. 

"You never told me you had a dog!" he says in a high pitched voice that makes Dan's heart melt. 

"He's pretty alright," Dan shrugs. "Come on, we really have to get some work done before my grandma makes dinner." 

When their project is over, there isn't even a question about whether or not their study sessions will continue. Dan goes to Phil's house after school just like always. They do a little bit of psychology homework, and then Phil manages to tempt Dan into watching the first episode of Buffy. Before he knows it, it's nearly ten pm and if he doesn't leave soon his mum will have his head. 

The friendship that forms between Dan and Phil over the first A Level year is perfect. Dan had never had his go-to person in his friendship group, and as far as he could tell, neither had Phil. But they had each other now, and Dan's heart aches to think that things could've been this perfect since the beginning. 

The only problem is that Dan still thinks Phil is _very_ pretty. Prettier than he used to be, in fact. His shoulders have broadened as he's gotten older, he's taller, his arms have toned. Every now and then he pulls Dan in for a bear hug, and Dan doesn't know what to do with himself. 

He's not sure which friend suggests they play spin the bottle at a birthday party. They've all been drinking, even Phil, which is another surprise to Dan. He even thinks about the possibility of sharing a kiss with Phil. It'd be fake, and the rest of his friends would laugh. But it'd be something, at least. 

He hadn't even considered the possibility of someone else's spin landing on Phil. It hurts, watching someone else lean across and kiss Phil on the lips Dan so desperately wants to kiss. Phil doesn't look too happy about it, but he doesn't look too disappointed either. 

Dan does his best to spin the bottle in such a way that it lands on Phil, but his luck was never on his side, and he ends up kissing one of the girls there. It feels awful. Wrong. He's never kissed a girl before, but it really solidifies it for him. He is. That word he doesn't want to say; he's it. 

Then, Phil's spin lands on him. And Phil is leaning forward. Dan wonders, in the seconds before their lips meet, if Phil is a good kisser. He doesn't have anything to compare it to, but he thinks Phil is a fantastic kisser. His lips frame Dan's, in a kiss that feels a lot more intimate than any of the others have. He doesn't want to stop, but he can't even imagine how awful it would be if he kept going. There are people here watching them. He doesn't want to put himself, or Phil, in that position. 

It doesn't make things awkward. It doesn't change anything, in fact. Dan hates that a little. He wishes it was like the movies, where one kiss opens the other person's eyes, and they realise what's right in front of them. But nothing happens. They go to each other's houses after school. They study psychology and media. They watch Buffy. They sing Muse. 

Then, one night, Dan turns up on Phil's doorstep, in tears. His mum and dad had been in a big argument, his dad had left with threats that he was never coming back. Phil's parents are out for the night, so he lets Dan in without a question. 

Phil's not very good at support, Dan finds. But there is alcohol in his house, and that's good enough for Dan. They curl up together on Phil's bed with Buffy on the laptop, passing a bottle of Malibu between them. 

It doesn't take long for Dan to feel tipsy, and from there it's a slippery slope to being drunk. Phil tells him he can stay the night, and without thinking Dan gets up to strip himself of his shirt and dig around for some pyjama bottoms. 

"You're pretty," Phil whispers. 

Dan whips around then, a blush covering his cheeks. 

"What?" surely, _surely_ he heard that wrong. 

"Stop it," Phil frowns. "Stop being so damn pretty." 

Dan feels a little bold then, and crosses his arms over his bare chest. 

"Only if _you_ stop being so damn pretty."

Phil's jaw drops then. Wide eyes, flushed cheeks, beautiful lips. All Dan wants is to kiss him. 

Phil gets up, and they meet each other in the middle. Phil presses a quick peck to Dan's mouth before he huffs a laugh and goes back in for more. It's only a few seconds, though, before he's pulling back again.

"Wait, wait," he whispers. "We need water, we need to sober up." 

Dan steps away from him quickly, as if he's been burnt. 

"Oh, sorry, do you not want-" 

"Dan," Phil stops him. He reaches out to trace his fingers down Dan's bare arm to link their fingers. "I want this _so bad_. I just don't want to remember it as the time we were both drunk and something bad happened." 

Dan softens, lets himself be led down the stairs. 

They drink water, and then they drink coffee, and then they drink more water. And when Phil thinks they're sufficiently sobered up, he takes Dan's hand and leads him back upstairs. 

When the door is closed, Phil steps forward, pressing a kiss to Dan's cheek. 

"Dan, do you... do you want this?" 

Dan huffs out a laugh. "I've wanted this for _years_ , you idiot." 

Phil laughs too then. "All this time, I thought it was only me." 

Dan grins up at him, before leaning forward and tucking his face in Phil's clothed shoulder. 

"We're idiots," he giggles, looking up again. 

"We are," Phil agrees. "Can I kiss you, idiot?" 

Dan laughs, and pulls Phil forward. They're kissing then. Laughing and kissing. Dan feels a tongue, and then a clash of teeth, and he's laughing again. Because it's _Phil_ , of course it's clumsy and ridiculous. 

He feels a little underdressed but the thought is gone from his mind the second he feels Phil's hand run over his chest. A thumb catches his nipple and his breath hitches. He feels it travelling further down, and pushes back on Phil's clothed chest. 

"Phil, Phil," he breathes. Phil pulls back, runs his hand back up to Dan's neck. "Can we..." he takes a deep breath. "Tonight, can we just do this? Just kiss?" 

Phil smiles softly. He reaches a thumb up to brush over Dan's jaw and cheek. A kiss is pressed at his forehead, then on the tip of his nose, then the corner of his mouth. 

"Of course," he whispers. "This is more than I ever thought I'd get." 

Dan grins, returns the favour of pressing a few wet kisses to Phil's face. "Me too." 

They spend a long time just kissing. It's new, exciting. They giggle at their own ridiculousness, and when they hear Phil's parents come in Phil presses a kiss to Dan's neck and tells him to wait there a second. 

Phil's parents are more than welcoming. They make Dan ring his mum and tell her where he is, and then they order pizza and tell Dan and Phil they can take it upstairs. 

"Just this once," Kath says sternly. 

"You always say that," Phil laughs, rolling his eyes.

"Any more of that cheek, child, and you can clean the dishes." 

Phil shuts his mouth, then. He wants as much time alone with Dan as he can get. 

They sit huddled on Phil's bed with Buffy on, just like normal. Only this time, every now and then, Phil will turn and press a kiss to Dan's shoulder, his neck, his cheek. On the time Dan decides to return the favour, he and Phil go at the same time and smack their heads together, earning Dan a yelp and a giggle. 

Dan's not sure what his friends at school would say. He knows they think it's wrong, or gross, or something. He knows it's not, though. It's a lot easier to remind himself that when he looks at Phil and sees Phil looking back at him. 

He's not confused about any of it any more. Maybe he still can't call himself that word he knows he is. But he knows one thing he can call himself. 

Happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments are appreciated, come scream at me @ panlesters on tumblr


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